"Everyone - please raise your glasses and join me in toasting Joanna and Kevin. If you have something to say during my wedding speech, raise your hand, then place it over your mouth. As I begin this wedding speech one of the first thoughts that comes to mind is where is the bar? Please enjoy the wonderful buffet, I don't eat much, it dulls the effect of the drink. In my research to find out how to deliver a great best man speech, I learned that I am expected to sing the praises of the groom and tell you what a wonderful guy Kevin is. Unfortunately, I'm a bad singer and a bad liar. Kevin once took an IQ test and the results were negative. Mirrors can't talk and lucky for Kevin they can't laugh... Joanna is a wonderful, beautiful, kind and good hearted person who has cooked my breakfast on many occasions and deserves a great husband, and thank goodness Kevin snapped her up before she found one...Joanna, someday your prince will come, you took a wrong turn and you were too stubborn to ask for directions, men are idiots and you just married their king… All kidding aside - I love you both and wish you many years of happy marriage. Cheers!"